How Can You Shield Your Child from a Toxic Divorce?

 Posted on October 31,2024 in Divorce

If your divorce feels like too much to handle, imagine what your child must feel like. Children who see their parents bicker throughout the divorce are more likely to experience emotional trauma than those whose parents remain civil. While it is not always possible to avoid a toxic divorce when your spouse is a narcissist or an angry bully, you should always do your best to keep your child away from your disagreements.  

Children often internalize their emotions during a divorce, and may even feel that it is somehow their fault that their parents cannot be in the same room without an argument breaking out. There are things you can do to shield your child from a toxic divorce, but the most important first step is speaking to a knowledgeable Geneva, IL divorce lawyer from Serrano Hanson. Below are further steps you can take to keep your child away from a toxic divorce.

Never Take Your Child to Divorce Court Hearings

Unless the court requires your child to be in court, you should never bring him or her to a divorce court hearing. It is unlikely your child will understand the issues being discussed, and a child should never witness parents speaking negatively about one another.  

The court may view a parent's decision to bring the child to court as an attempt to place the child in the middle of the dispute and encourage them to "take sides." Bringing your child to court to gain an advantage over your spouse can backfire, making the judge feel as though you do not have your child’s best interests at heart.

Never Use Your Child as a Messenger

Parents should never put a child in the middle of grown-up decisions, especially when those decisions involve bitter arguments. Do your best to act like an adult – if you want your ex to know something, find a way to tell him or her yourself, preferably when your child is not in the room to hear you.

In the same vein, never ask your child to spy on his or her other parent. While you may really want to know what your ex is up to, getting information from your child is not the way to get that information. Stalk your ex on Facebook if you must (although you should avoid that as well), but it can damage your child’s relationship with both parents when you ask him or her to spy for you.    

When Your Child is Present, Remain Polite with Your Ex

Regardless of how you feel about your spouse, letting your feelings show through is never good for your child. Whatever issues you and your spouse had, discuss those issues with a friend or a therapist, never with your child. When you must be in the same room with your ex, treat him or her as you would treat a stranger—politely.

Talk to Your Child About the Divorce Appropriately

What you will say to your child regarding your divorce will depend on his or her age. While you should be honest, you do not have to detail the reasons you are divorcing, particularly if the divorce involves infidelity. Your child should be shielded from ugly details until he or she is old enough to fully understand. Often, telling a child what your spouse did to cause the divorce only causes the child to fiercely defend that parent, so skip the ugly details.

Contact a Kane County, IL Divorce Lawyer

If your divorce is becoming contentious, talk to your Geneva, IL divorce attorney about the steps you can take to protect your child. When you choose Serrano Hanson, you can rest easy, knowing you have a strong legal advocate in your corner. Call 630-844-8781 to schedule an appointment to discuss your family law issue. We are fluent in both Spanish and English.